Kindness is a verb

Tell me, I will forget. Show me, and I may remember. Involve me, and I will understand.~ Chinese Proverb I am working on trying to help my 6 yr old understand what it means to be kind. Contrary to popular belief, this is not something that children are born with and I often see people aghast at young childrens' displays of anger or meanness towards others. All it means is that these children have not been taught kindness or empathy yet. Even at 6 it can often be a hard concept to grasp, as their own impulses and urges can still be overwhelming. According to greatschools.org, these are the social milestones for this age:

Social and Emotional Development

• grows more independent, yet feels less secure
• craves affection from parents and teachers
• friendships are unstable; can be unkind to peers
• needs to win and may change rules to suit herself
• may be hurt by criticism, blame, or punishment
• can be rigid, demanding, and unable to adapt
• increasingly aware that others have may have different feelings

As I have personally witnessed how my daughter internalizes any reprimanding, I know this is not the way to show her when her behavior towards others is wrong. It just makes her feel like she is a bad person, instead of a person who just made a mistake. So I have compiled a list of activities to involve my daughter in, to try and demonstrate acts of kindness:

•  demonstrate it, by never talking about others negatively, and pointing out kind acts that I do
  
• write letters of appreciation to past teachers/friends/relatives that made a difference in her life
• bake cookies of thanks for dance teacher/school teacher and talk about how it will make them feel to receive these
• pick a friend each week and talk about kind acts she could do for that child (ie let her pick the game they play on the playground, or tell her something good about herself.)
• make a backpack for a homeless person, and let her choose the things that he/she might need
• volunteer at a shelter
• draw a special picture for our neighbor (whom she adores) letting her know why she is so special.
• write a letter to one of our sponsored children
• learn about an animals environment and how to protect/take care of it
• teach her to care for our dog (giving her food and water, walking her) and be gentle with her
  
• "catch" her being kind to her brother, dog, relative or whoever and give praise for it
• lastly, I am writing a story for her, with her being the main character being kind to everyone she meets, called "The Kindest Girl in the World". Children love having stories about themselves.

For more ideas of acts of kindness, go to this website. It's fun!
Remember to acknowledge your child's age and don't admonish them for being well, children! But also give them the tools they need to navigate through life with a good conscious.

Love and parenting power,
Kerry, the Momster

Positive Parenting (tips from the trenches)

Some of you might be reading this and thinking 'Oh geez...new age nonsense parenting...whats wrong with a good ol spanking? It's how I was raised." Well, so was I, but hear me out. We spank our daughter, but usually as a last resort, but I really dislike the way it works. Its forcing a child into a position of defense, you against them, instead of coaching the lil' one on how to deal with emotions and issues.

So I am trying to incorporate this positive parenting into our discipline one area at a time. This book (Positive Discipline A-Z by Jane Nelsen, Ed.D., et al) is great, full of real life problems with multiple solutions and hitting on a variety of age groups. Every now and again I will post a ppt (positive parenting tidbit) from the book. But if that's not enough, buy it !There's a whole range of them.

Love and positivity,
Kerry the Momster

 

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Don't make me go Dr. Seuss on your a**!

Recently a friend of mine had a baby shower, and the theme for her nursery is Dr. Seuss. The ideas started rolling in for ideas, but alas time doesn't permit for the "want to do's" and I had to narrow down my gift giving. I was presented with a lovely black and white diaper cake for my shower, and thought it looked so lovely that I would try my hand at my own. I googled for inspiration, and gathered my supplies and then this is what I did:

1. Cut out a round bottom out of an old pizza box for extra support.
2. Used a cereal box side rolled into a tube and taped and affixed to the center of the base.
3. Cut three pieces of thin elastic to varying sizes and tied (used to hold the diapers in place)
4. Started adding diapers to the bottom layer. Keep adding around the base until you reach the desired size.
5. Repeat for the next two layers, but make each layer smaller than the first.When my friend made me a diaper cake she used bigger diapers on the bottom and newborn on the top which was a clever detail.
6. Tie ribbons around and secure with pins (I used two different ribbons for each layer)
7. Add red grass to the layers tucking them into the ribbons.
8.  Add items for a special touch (I added a book secured by a ribbon, and little Seuss buttons. I wanted a Seuss stuffed animal for the top but couldn't find one.)
and Voila! An impressive diaper cake that gets oohs and aahs from every angle.

Love and creations,
Kerry, the Momster

We didn't start the fire....

it was always burning since the worlds been turning! That fire that escalates from parental fury and seems to grow and grow with every whine, until you feel your eyeballs may explode out of your head. News flash! If you get to this point, you've lost the match (I often lose the match, but then I've never been very good at sports anyway).

One of my NY resolutions was to try keep my cool, and not get so angry with my preschooler. It has become increasingly harder since my baby boy arrived, as she usually acts up when he begins screaming, or when I've had a particuarly sleepless night and have no patience to begin with. Today was another one of those days when I was in the middle of dismantling the Christmas decorations, and had to go feed my baby in the other room. I came back to a living room where I left my daughter (which had been cleaned 2 days prior by our cleaning lady) with pink glitter sprinkled everywhere! Well, we can say mildly put, I lost it!

So how do I refrain from unleashing every sort of punishment at my disposal in these moments (hers are: time out,  moving back on her behavior chart, losing a toy, even a spanking!)? This is my new emergency card (Yes it's printed out for me to have close at hand).

1. BREATHE: 3 deep breaths, inhale and exhale for as long as possible. If it doesn't calm you, it will at least keep you from yelling for a few seconds, giving your precious little one time to apologize.

2. DISTRACT yourself:  Just as you do a melting down toddler. Do something quickly for you. A cup of tea, a gossip mag for 5 mins, a great song to dance around to, take the kids for a walk. The problem will still be there to deal with afterwards, but at least you'll be in better spirits.

3. ALLOW: Acknowledge you are mad, all emotions are allowed, all actions are NOT! I love researching, so I guess for me, if I can distract myself from the emotion long enough, then I should look up new ways to deal with the issue: ie sibling jumping over baby brother.

4. DECIDE on which areas and behaviors to tackle, and let the rest slide. If you have a clear view of what is essential and what isn't ahead of time, you won't blow up over every action and hopefully your child won't feel like they are constantly being reprimanded.

And remember, your little human is not the enemy, they are just little and immature. I have to remind myself of this on a regular basis using a strategy I learned from a magazine where you say to them, "What are you, 5?" (insert app. age here) as a reminder that yes, they are only just little and still figuring out how to deal with life. My daughter reminded me of this the other day when I was going off over picking up after herself and she responded sadly, "I'm just a child!" It snapped me back to reality and showed me I really need to be more gentle and forgiving of her actions.

Hope this helps another momster (and her children) on the edge!
Love and control,
Kerry the Momster

I got skillz. (Essential skills for new mommies)

Before you begin the journey into motherhood, let me give you a few words of wisdom. Being three weeks into the new life of my second child, I have been recently reminded of a few skills that every mom should master prior to the child's arrival. Yes there are the basic staples: diapering, bathing baby, swaddling, etc etc. But there are also the ones that people fail to tell you are essential. Lucky for you all I am here to impart them:

• One handed eating... in fact one handed everything: Everyone always asks me how I lost the baby weight from my first baby so quickly. It's easy : babies do not let you eat. They are able to sense with their infinite baby ESP when mom is about to sit down with a knife and fork, and they begin to wail. They've been fed, cleaned and well rested, and just want to be held, and thus mom must resort to one-handed eating. I got so hungry that I resorted to stocking my feeding chair with granola bars and water bottles, because it seemed the only time I  got to eat was when I was feeding my lil' one. I know one mom who would only order items from restaurants that she could eat with one hand for the first year "just in case". So hone in on using one hand to spread peanut butter on toast, prepare a bottle, or wrap a gift. Maybe you and your partner could have a "single-hand-off" where you tie one hand behind your back for a day and see who can do the most tasks.
• Up all night, sleep all day (With a completely new meaning). Yes, we all know babies rob you of precious snoozing, but for those of you thinking "Whatever, I was a party animal in college, I can handle some sleepless nights", think again! The difference here is that you don't have a weekend to sleep in after a few sleepless nights, so just when you think you are reaching the end of your wit's, baby decides to sleep even LESS! And this is what many-a-fight is made of. Sleepy dad's and even sleepier moms, who no matter how tired they are must still open the all night buffet every 2-3 hours, for weeks and weeks on end. The only way to prepare for this is to get lots of sleep now!! And of course sleep all day whenever the baby does. I have found that mine sleeps best at the ice-rink with loud blaring music, but unfortunately I might look a little odd grabbing a little nap in the stands. Hopefully your child sleeps in a more comfortable environment.
• 10 second make up application. High maintenance ladies beware! When you have a baby you have 2 hours between feedings, so if you plan on running an errand it typically looks like this:  you will need to make sure baby is fed, then dressed, than diaper changed, and then you may try to jump in the shower, getting out quickly because baby is crying, you then get dressed while baby is in swing, in an outfit that takes absolutely no thought, just in time to rechange baby's diaper and  clothes too because pee has leaked onto previous baby outfit, then you run to bathroom while baby wriggles in crib with mobile playing, and apply a quick foundation onto skin and maybe some mascara, till you hear baby crying and pick him up, you hold him as you slip into some shoes, grab your keys and diaper bag ready to head out the door, until throw up is spewn across your shirt, by the time you change again baby is crying and is possibly hungry again, feed him one more time and if no diaper changes or leaks wrestle him into his car seat and be on your way. Whew. (This is not a fictional scenario!)
• The big stretch. Invest in some prenatal yoga classes, because the law-required rear facing baby seats in cars require some serious stretching. Too many time I have been caught in traffic and must become elasto-woman and twist my upper torso, and stretch my arm over and around little car seat contraptions to feel for my baby's pacifier and then search around for his mouth to place it into. The more flexible you are, the fewer muscles you pull.
  

Here are some "one-hand-eating" recipes. 

Please tell me  your essential mommy skills!
Love and little ones,
Kerry the Momster.

5 little pumpkins

Terrible quality of pics (I took them on my phone), but we made these for my daughter's class party.

1. Bake: I cheated and bought pre-made choc chip cookie dough which we baked as a big flat piece. 
2. Cut: The pre-made doughs swell more than regular sugar cookie dough so it's best to bake first, and then cut shapes while the dough is still hot. So we cut pumpkin shapes out of the cooked dough.
3. Melt: I bought a packet of orange candy pieces from Walmart, and melted in the microwave for 40 seconds, and stirred. Check your pack for instructions.
4. Ice: I used the melted candy to ice the cookies and then using a knife drew lines in half circles to create the pumpkin effect.
5. Decorate: My daughter then added green m&m's to the top as the stem, by dabbing the back with a little candy. She also decorated some with orange and brown sprinkles, and a few with smiley faces (not pictured).

 Love and pumpkins,
Kerry, the Momster

 

Second Time Around

Becoming a second-time mom brings with it new fears of how to balance life with another little soul depending on your very-stretched resources. Also is the knowledge of knowing the lack of time, lack of sleep and amount of pain involved. However, I was very aware of these expected life traits prior to planning for Baba Dos, and welcome them with open arms because of the other traits that trivialize these negative ones, with the magnitude of their joyous existence.
"Been there, done that" also affords me the knowledge of the tremendous love, giggles, pride and giddiness that accompany the stork's gift. The ever-growing, constantly changing and consistently amazing aspects of your child, blind you to all the un-ending worries, choices and routines.

I also feel there are some nuggets of wisdom I have under my belt, that I wish I could have told my old self prior to baby's arrival; which I will impart here for (hopefully) some lost new mommy to gleen some info from.

1.  Everything you say can and WILL be used against you (and most likely in a public setting). Some of your repitions might be cute, like the time my daughter told our barking dog to "Drop the attitude", or some frustrating like, "Why do I always have to do everything??" (on being asked to brush her teeth), to the downright rude "Oh shit!" (on dropping a fork on the floor). So be careful what you say, 24/7!!
2. Document everything! You might think we you will never forget the cute nuances of baby hood, but unfortunately (and sometimes fortunately) you do. You grow with your child as he/she develops so there are new games, new milestones and chores to look forward to. In an already over-occupied, mushy mommy brain, this doesn't leave much room in the memory department, so snap away and write it down somewhere. I have a book by my bed where I write funny quotes and dreams my daughter has, and then I have a box for each year which I fill with receipts, notes, photos, certificates, cards, tickets etc. I just keep stashing them in there and then put the quotes in there too and cds with photos. At the end of the year I am supposed to organize the items into an album, but  I have 3 years thus far, and not one album BUT all the items are there to look through and remember when I finally do have the time.
3. Sleep is the reset button. From the beginning, everyone tells you to sleep when your baby sleeps. This is very true because the biggest cause of post-partum depression and fighting with your spouse is lack of sleep. With more rest under your belt you are better equipped to face the challenges of parenting. I think sleep is a cure-all, and as someone who battles to get it, I hold it in the highest regards. Sleep will forevermore take precedence over almost anything: sex, shopping, socializing. Furthermore, after a particuarly difficult day, watching your sleeping child resets your over-whelming love for them, and even if they were being little terrors until the moment their heads touched the pillow, suddenly they are angels from God in your eyes once more. It's a great reminder of what it's all for.
4. You will most likely be consumed with guilt for the rest of your life. The mommy wars aren't just about moms arguing over breastfeeding vs. bottle and working vs. stay at home, they are often against yourself. You will feel guilt for so many things: too much TV, not enough photos, not getting vaccines, getting vaccines, too much sugar, not enough intellectual stimulation for your child, not enough toys, too many toys, not enough time, too few activities scheduled, losing your temper, spanking, not spanking... just a few of the constant barrage on your sensibilities and ego. Everyday there are seemingly 700 choices to be made, and be made by you, and you may never feel you make the right ones. But when you are feeling overwhelmed, just recall your own childhood and know that your parents went through the same thing, and you turned out okay (hopefully). Or know that you are at least making better choices than them:). But most important, know that just the fact that you are worrying about MAKING the right choice, makes you a good parent, who put the well-being of your child first. 

Hope these little gems stick under somebody's bonnet!
Love and child-rearing,
Kerry, the Momster

The Funniest Child in the World

I'm sure you are thinking that this post is about your child, because what parent doesn't think their child is the most intelligent, humorous little gift?

Well, I'm sorry to tell you that I think my daughter tops the totem pole in the humor department. Her mind is the most unique, strange little thing illustrated by this conversation:

Mom: I would love to take some photo's of you and your cousin, (I'm a photographer) dressed up like faeries, in that field over there. Wouldn't that be fun?

K: Yes!! Or, my cousin can be dressed as an angel, and I can be a dead cheetah!!

Mom: ::proceeds to laugh for a good 25 min solid::

I took the liberty of googling this "dead cheetah" phenomenon, and could not find one picture of a child as a dead cheetah. Can we say that this might just be the first original thought under the sun? Booyah Ecclesiastes!

(According to Ecclesiastes 1:9, "What has been will be again, what has been done will be done again; there is nothing new under the sun.")

Love and laughter,
Kerry the Momster

Listomania

Listomania-Great song! Also a great way to organize my over-crowded, fuzz-lined brain. Those of you who have been following this blog for a while know that I am addicted to tadalist.com where I list books to read, baby names, craft ideas and everything else my little brain needs to hold, but wont.

With four weeks left until Baba Dos arrives, I am feeling overwhelmed with everything that I still need/want to do in preparation. Here is my 36 weeks pregnant list of "to-do's".

1. Take pack n play to moms.
2. Thank you cards for shower.
3. Clear out car
4. Set up car seat.
5. Pack hospital bag
6. Infant CPR/safety class
7. Make appointment with pediatrician to discuss vaccines.
8. Find out about baby insurance.
9. Get Lampstand and bulb.
10. Items for nursing area: magazine organizer, bottled water, granola bars.
11. Buy breast pump.
12. Put together baby's health kit.
13. Pick out birth announcements.
14. Get a haircut.
15. Buy costco frozen meals and replacement for camera.
16. Go to Mr. Food and stock up on pre-made dinners.
17. Prepare K's items to sleepover/ play while I'm in hospital.
18. Organize who will watch her/school drop off, etc.
19. Ipod playlist for labor
20. Cover electrical outlets
21. Life insurances
22. Hospital baby list- do's and donts for doctors and nurses.
23. Register at hospital
24. Birth plan
25. Wash baby items.
26. Organize and clean kids' room.
27. Complete Baby Mobile.
28. big sister stuff: print photos of her for hospital, wrap gift from "baby".
29. Wills

I'm sure there are  a bunch of things I'm forgetting, please let me know if there are. If I knock out 7 items a week I should be prepared by the time baby gets here (Unless, of course, he wants an early debut into the world ).

Love and preparation,
Kerry the Momster

Snack Packs

Weekend Project idea:

Here is me doing my part for the greenifying of the earth. Reusable snack packs, rather than countless ziploc bags daily for my daughter's lunch.
This is fully lined in washable plastic, and made with a velcro closure. It may be used for dry or wet snacks- although not at the same time or there might be a squishy, inedible disaster where you left food.

Here is a pattern if you would like to make your own, I just added a little fold over piece to mine.

 

Or if you aren't particuarly crafty, save money on ziplocs by buying your snack bags. These ones are pretty cute. 

$7.99 @Vitamin Shoppe

Love and reduction,

Kerry, the Momster

Four for all

Swing, High chair, Baby seat, Crib, Car seat, etc etc..  How can such small creatures need SO much stuff? And furthermore, where do you put it all? I just saw the most fantastic invention in baby history! I don't know why someone didn't think of this sooner. The Fisher Price EZ Bundle 4-in-one system will knock out four of those big baby needs in one go. I can't speak for the quality as I don't own this ( unfortunately I already acquired these items before this was released!), but it combines a swing, high chair, infant seat and toddler seat in one. So much less space is needed and it's a cute, unisex grass green color. And it has an affordable price-tag at $150.

Love and littleness,
Kerry, the Momster

Probiotics for Babies

I have seen at least three articles this week about probiotic drops for babies, or everything from acid reflux to colic or diarrhea. Here is some info on the matter from Pollywog. They also have a link to buy a product but these drops are available in Whole Foods too. I will be using this instead of gas drops with Baba Dos!

Another great brand of probitics, Flora( and a little cheaper).  Available on Amazon $19.95

Love and happy babies,
Kerry, the Momster

Back To The Grind

As we begin our mad dash to the stores for backpack's, lunchboxes and clothes, we sigh in relief knowing that in just a few days our little gems will be back at school, being educated and entertained by someone other than ourselves for a few hours a day. Can I get an Amen?

With this return to the trenches comes the dilemma's of rush hour traffic (the kind in your kitchen and bathrooms prior to 8am). Here are some of my tips to keep the morning's running somewhat smoothly.

Handmade totes from http://www.knotjustjigs.co.uk

1. Set up a morning routine for each child. I created little pictures of each morning job (brush teeth, put on clothes, put on shoes, make bed and brush hair) which can be customized for each child. Remember to keep the lists age appropriate and that you may still have to assist in some tasks (like belts and shoelaces). I have the pictures glued to magnets on the back of my daughter's bedroom door (where she has a white board). Right after breakfast she starts on her routine. She may choose the order in which to do the various tasks, but they must all be done. When they are she gets moved up on her behavior chart, but you can choose any reward such as stickers, pennies, etc.
2. Pick out a week's worth of outfits on Sunday night. My husband has the task of making sure our willful 4 yr old is dresses for school. I came up with this system when too many days I would hear the stories of fighting over skirts and shorts and shoes. On Sundays we put together 5 outfits complete with socks and hair accessories and put them on hangers in an easy-to-reach spot. Then my daughter gets to pick what she wants to wear each day from these five outfits. 
3. Have separate bags for each after-school activity. Avoid the "I-forgot-my-soccer-cleats-drama" by having a bag for each activity. I started this system after about the third time my daughter arrived at skating lessons without gloves. If your child does soccer, ice-skating, ballet, and gymnastics, have a bag for each sport for each child. Tote's work wonders and can be purchase from craft stores and decorated by your child with pictures of the activity and their names on them. After each lesson, make sure all items are washed and put directly back in the bag for the next week. Let the kids know that NOTHING is to be taken out of the bag for any other activity. (My daughter loves to wear her gloves around the house, so I bought a pair that was ONLY for skating) If you have a particularly busy child and thus a lot of totes, have hooks in a closet or on a hallway wall to hang the bags.

Hope you are able to use some of these strategies that have worked so well for me, to streamline your mornings.

Love and organization,
Kerry the Momster

Preschool Pointers

I came across a wonderful article about preschoolers in Parenting Magazine:Early Years (Aug 2010).
It was advice from preschool teachers about how to help  your child listen, share and learn. These are the ones I found the most useful and will be implementing in my home:

Listening:

• Grab their attention with a bell, clap or song.
• Make eye contact: get to their level
• Ask your child to repeat an instruction

Sharing:

• Use a timer to give fair time with a toy
• Buy multiples of items like crayons
• Help them decide on something else to do: Do you think you can play with a ball while you wait your turn?

Picking up

• Stick to a routine- like picking up toys after dinner everyday.
• Give advance warning: "bathtime in 5 minutes"
• Show them how: "Clean up your toys", means nothing to a child, but "Put your legos in the right box." is clearer. 
• Make and "I'll be right back" sign for a child to put near a block castle, or unfinished puzzle, so that mom know(and other siblings) he/she is not done yet.

Getting Along

• Ask "what" instead of "why"... eg. "What do you think your friend is feeling?"
• Encourage "chill-out" instead of time out.
• Comfort the hurt child first. Deflects the attention the instigator may have wanted off of them, so they see that bad behavior does not get attention.

I really like a lot of these, and even though some are familiar, it's good to be reminded of them so that I remember them in critical moments.

Love and listening,
Kerry, the Momster

A Beautiful Mind

Ahhh.. theres nothing quite like a barrage of mundane questions rattled off with as much fervor and direction as a machine gun aimed right for your central nervous system. Question after question, seemingly unrelated facts and observations, minute after minute, bullying any peaceful, quiet place in your mind into utter exhaustion. This is dealing with a preschooler. Today I took the liberty of writing down just a few of the fascinating questions my 4 yr old asked me (in the span of 20 minutes).

• What does KFC stand for? (mom: Kentucky Fried Chicken, K: But this isn't chicken, so maybe it's "Kentucky fried cups", m: maybe)

• Why are boogers not good for you? (mom: Because its the junk your body tries to keep out, K: so its like peepee? m: um no, its from the air.)

• Why are blinds called blinds if you can still see through them? (Mom: good question! maybe it should be called something else)
• In Georgia, why are there no toilets? (mom: There are, just not at the campsite we go to, K: oh)
• How come old people eat so slowly? (mom: probably because they are tired form eating their whole lives...)
• How come children eat slowly too? (mom: because they talk too much!)

Sigh. And we wonder why we are so exhausted at the end of the day, even if we feel like we've done nothing!
Love and laughter
Kerry, the Momster

PreSchool Fun

I love parents.com!
They have so many fun games to play with your children that are age appropriate.

This is what I plan on playing with my 4 yr old this week:

• Balloon Bash
• Sock Toss
• Bedtime Treasure hunt (for bedtime-cooperation...soo cute!)
• Follow the helpful leader ( to make cleanup fun)
• And Look on the Bright Side How to play: Start telling a story in which something negative happens ("One day Steve was feeling cranky because it was too hot outside"). Ask one child to continue by describing a positive turn of events. For instance, "The good thing was, there was a nice, cool lake nearby for taking a dip." The next player then introduces another negative idea, which is answered by a positive one from the next player.
  
  What it teaches: Optimism.
  
  I also have so many new crafts to do with her. These summer days are getting longer and I'm getting more tired now that I am in the last trimester. Anything to allow me to SIT in the cool air conditioning and still keep my daughter entertained is a win-win.
  
  Love and laughter,
  Kerry, the Momster

Strong Willed

I've been reading all about how to deal with a strong willed child (as my preschooler most definately is!). I've been trying out new parenting strategies with rewards and consequences and thus far I have seen an improvement in behavior. It usually takes 30 days to change a new habit, and we have only been implementing new strategies for a couple weeks, but I already see the change.

Rewards:

• We have continued with the reward chart (From Supernanny.com), we just chose a new one for the summer with a pirate theme. This chart is for those times we "catch" her being good or doing something helpful. If we notice exceptionally good behavior when we are out, we inform her that she can move up one, sometimes even two, spaces on her chart. Once she hits 10, she gets to choose a prize out of the treasure chest. At first we used this chart for consequences too, by moving her back, but decided it should only be used as a positive tool. This treasure chest strategy also helps when we are at stores and she gets the "wants" (i want, i want, i want). If it is something small I often give in and say she may have it FOR HER TREASURE CHEST. Then I know she has even more incentive to move up to get that item. If it is something bigger, I tel her we will add it to her birthday wishlist (this works at ANY time of year) and when we get home I add it to her running list online.
• Our other positive reinforcement is money. My daughter wants a hamster, so currently we are working towards getting that. We have implemented a chore system , where she gets a quarter, 50c or $1.00 depending on the chore. Some examples are:  

1. 50c sorting laundry socks
2. 25c making her bed
3. 50c feeding the dog
4. 1.00 vacuuming up dust piles as I sweep

I also use this money as a way for her to understand the value of items. She currently has $15.00 and recently we went to the store where she wanted a toy for $10. I said she could have it, using her "hamster" money but then she would only have $5 left and have to wait longer for the hamster. She decided she wanted the hamster more and did not purchase the toy.

So I have realized that parenting is a creative, ever changing process with trial and errors along the way. I will indulge you into my horrible world of consequences in a future posting.

Love and discipline,
Kerry the Monster
                 

Soft Mommy

Since my daughter turned 4, she has progressively got more and more difficult to deal with. She is very intelligent which leads to constant head butting, strong will and plain rudeness sometimes. Being pregnant has  limited my patience field to a mere couple blades of grass. Thus I have started seeking help in controlling my anger when dealing with her.

Some of what I have learned is simple- keep her entertained, give her adequate attentio, make sure she and I are both well rested and fed. Then some more techniques which come from this book "Soft-Spoken Parenting":

1.  Get your heart right before you deal /see your kids. Make the decision to be focused on them and in a good mood.
 2. When you feel anger approaching, just say No to it! Again it's a choice, don't let it take over you!
3. Use words to convey that you acknowledge their feelings.  "I know it must make you sad to go to bed when everyone else is still up." "I would be mad too if my brother took my toy away"...etc This lets them know you DO undertsand and empathize with them, which for a child is half the battle (making sure they are heard).
4. Look on your children with compassion. Remember they are small and still figuring things out. Often they do not have the tools to deal with anger, frustration or tiredness yet or the vocabulary to accurately convey it.
5. When we are tired, we should be particuarly cautious in dealing with our children. They don't understand that our anger is not necessarily directed at them, but at a lousy coworker, long week, or financial strain. So we need to make sure we aren't directing inappropriate anger at our little ones.


I have been using these strategies and found them to be amazing little treasures. I  will add more as I complete the book. There are 50 strategies in here, but I'm just stating the ones I felt are very important.  To read more the author is : H Wallace Goddard, PH. D.


Love and peace of heart,
Kerry the Momster