Second Time Around

Becoming a second-time mom brings with it new fears of how to balance life with another little soul depending on your very-stretched resources. Also is the knowledge of knowing the lack of time, lack of sleep and amount of pain involved. However, I was very aware of these expected life traits prior to planning for Baba Dos, and welcome them with open arms because of the other traits that trivialize these negative ones, with the magnitude of their joyous existence.
"Been there, done that" also affords me the knowledge of the tremendous love, giggles, pride and giddiness that accompany the stork's gift. The ever-growing, constantly changing and consistently amazing aspects of your child, blind you to all the un-ending worries, choices and routines.

I also feel there are some nuggets of wisdom I have under my belt, that I wish I could have told my old self prior to baby's arrival; which I will impart here for (hopefully) some lost new mommy to gleen some info from.

1.  Everything you say can and WILL be used against you (and most likely in a public setting). Some of your repitions might be cute, like the time my daughter told our barking dog to "Drop the attitude", or some frustrating like, "Why do I always have to do everything??" (on being asked to brush her teeth), to the downright rude "Oh shit!" (on dropping a fork on the floor). So be careful what you say, 24/7!!
2. Document everything! You might think we you will never forget the cute nuances of baby hood, but unfortunately (and sometimes fortunately) you do. You grow with your child as he/she develops so there are new games, new milestones and chores to look forward to. In an already over-occupied, mushy mommy brain, this doesn't leave much room in the memory department, so snap away and write it down somewhere. I have a book by my bed where I write funny quotes and dreams my daughter has, and then I have a box for each year which I fill with receipts, notes, photos, certificates, cards, tickets etc. I just keep stashing them in there and then put the quotes in there too and cds with photos. At the end of the year I am supposed to organize the items into an album, but  I have 3 years thus far, and not one album BUT all the items are there to look through and remember when I finally do have the time.
3. Sleep is the reset button. From the beginning, everyone tells you to sleep when your baby sleeps. This is very true because the biggest cause of post-partum depression and fighting with your spouse is lack of sleep. With more rest under your belt you are better equipped to face the challenges of parenting. I think sleep is a cure-all, and as someone who battles to get it, I hold it in the highest regards. Sleep will forevermore take precedence over almost anything: sex, shopping, socializing. Furthermore, after a particuarly difficult day, watching your sleeping child resets your over-whelming love for them, and even if they were being little terrors until the moment their heads touched the pillow, suddenly they are angels from God in your eyes once more. It's a great reminder of what it's all for.
4. You will most likely be consumed with guilt for the rest of your life. The mommy wars aren't just about moms arguing over breastfeeding vs. bottle and working vs. stay at home, they are often against yourself. You will feel guilt for so many things: too much TV, not enough photos, not getting vaccines, getting vaccines, too much sugar, not enough intellectual stimulation for your child, not enough toys, too many toys, not enough time, too few activities scheduled, losing your temper, spanking, not spanking... just a few of the constant barrage on your sensibilities and ego. Everyday there are seemingly 700 choices to be made, and be made by you, and you may never feel you make the right ones. But when you are feeling overwhelmed, just recall your own childhood and know that your parents went through the same thing, and you turned out okay (hopefully). Or know that you are at least making better choices than them:). But most important, know that just the fact that you are worrying about MAKING the right choice, makes you a good parent, who put the well-being of your child first. 

Hope these little gems stick under somebody's bonnet!
Love and child-rearing,
Kerry, the Momster

Strong Willed

I've been reading all about how to deal with a strong willed child (as my preschooler most definately is!). I've been trying out new parenting strategies with rewards and consequences and thus far I have seen an improvement in behavior. It usually takes 30 days to change a new habit, and we have only been implementing new strategies for a couple weeks, but I already see the change.

Rewards:

• We have continued with the reward chart (From Supernanny.com), we just chose a new one for the summer with a pirate theme. This chart is for those times we "catch" her being good or doing something helpful. If we notice exceptionally good behavior when we are out, we inform her that she can move up one, sometimes even two, spaces on her chart. Once she hits 10, she gets to choose a prize out of the treasure chest. At first we used this chart for consequences too, by moving her back, but decided it should only be used as a positive tool. This treasure chest strategy also helps when we are at stores and she gets the "wants" (i want, i want, i want). If it is something small I often give in and say she may have it FOR HER TREASURE CHEST. Then I know she has even more incentive to move up to get that item. If it is something bigger, I tel her we will add it to her birthday wishlist (this works at ANY time of year) and when we get home I add it to her running list online.
• Our other positive reinforcement is money. My daughter wants a hamster, so currently we are working towards getting that. We have implemented a chore system , where she gets a quarter, 50c or $1.00 depending on the chore. Some examples are:  

1. 50c sorting laundry socks
2. 25c making her bed
3. 50c feeding the dog
4. 1.00 vacuuming up dust piles as I sweep

I also use this money as a way for her to understand the value of items. She currently has $15.00 and recently we went to the store where she wanted a toy for $10. I said she could have it, using her "hamster" money but then she would only have $5 left and have to wait longer for the hamster. She decided she wanted the hamster more and did not purchase the toy.

So I have realized that parenting is a creative, ever changing process with trial and errors along the way. I will indulge you into my horrible world of consequences in a future posting.

Love and discipline,
Kerry the Monster