We didn't start the fire....

it was always burning since the worlds been turning! That fire that escalates from parental fury and seems to grow and grow with every whine, until you feel your eyeballs may explode out of your head. News flash! If you get to this point, you've lost the match (I often lose the match, but then I've never been very good at sports anyway).

One of my NY resolutions was to try keep my cool, and not get so angry with my preschooler. It has become increasingly harder since my baby boy arrived, as she usually acts up when he begins screaming, or when I've had a particuarly sleepless night and have no patience to begin with. Today was another one of those days when I was in the middle of dismantling the Christmas decorations, and had to go feed my baby in the other room. I came back to a living room where I left my daughter (which had been cleaned 2 days prior by our cleaning lady) with pink glitter sprinkled everywhere! Well, we can say mildly put, I lost it!

So how do I refrain from unleashing every sort of punishment at my disposal in these moments (hers are: time out,  moving back on her behavior chart, losing a toy, even a spanking!)? This is my new emergency card (Yes it's printed out for me to have close at hand).

1. BREATHE: 3 deep breaths, inhale and exhale for as long as possible. If it doesn't calm you, it will at least keep you from yelling for a few seconds, giving your precious little one time to apologize.

2. DISTRACT yourself:  Just as you do a melting down toddler. Do something quickly for you. A cup of tea, a gossip mag for 5 mins, a great song to dance around to, take the kids for a walk. The problem will still be there to deal with afterwards, but at least you'll be in better spirits.

3. ALLOW: Acknowledge you are mad, all emotions are allowed, all actions are NOT! I love researching, so I guess for me, if I can distract myself from the emotion long enough, then I should look up new ways to deal with the issue: ie sibling jumping over baby brother.

4. DECIDE on which areas and behaviors to tackle, and let the rest slide. If you have a clear view of what is essential and what isn't ahead of time, you won't blow up over every action and hopefully your child won't feel like they are constantly being reprimanded.

And remember, your little human is not the enemy, they are just little and immature. I have to remind myself of this on a regular basis using a strategy I learned from a magazine where you say to them, "What are you, 5?" (insert app. age here) as a reminder that yes, they are only just little and still figuring out how to deal with life. My daughter reminded me of this the other day when I was going off over picking up after herself and she responded sadly, "I'm just a child!" It snapped me back to reality and showed me I really need to be more gentle and forgiving of her actions.

Hope this helps another momster (and her children) on the edge!
Love and control,
Kerry the Momster

I got skillz. (Essential skills for new mommies)

Before you begin the journey into motherhood, let me give you a few words of wisdom. Being three weeks into the new life of my second child, I have been recently reminded of a few skills that every mom should master prior to the child's arrival. Yes there are the basic staples: diapering, bathing baby, swaddling, etc etc. But there are also the ones that people fail to tell you are essential. Lucky for you all I am here to impart them:

• One handed eating... in fact one handed everything: Everyone always asks me how I lost the baby weight from my first baby so quickly. It's easy : babies do not let you eat. They are able to sense with their infinite baby ESP when mom is about to sit down with a knife and fork, and they begin to wail. They've been fed, cleaned and well rested, and just want to be held, and thus mom must resort to one-handed eating. I got so hungry that I resorted to stocking my feeding chair with granola bars and water bottles, because it seemed the only time I  got to eat was when I was feeding my lil' one. I know one mom who would only order items from restaurants that she could eat with one hand for the first year "just in case". So hone in on using one hand to spread peanut butter on toast, prepare a bottle, or wrap a gift. Maybe you and your partner could have a "single-hand-off" where you tie one hand behind your back for a day and see who can do the most tasks.
• Up all night, sleep all day (With a completely new meaning). Yes, we all know babies rob you of precious snoozing, but for those of you thinking "Whatever, I was a party animal in college, I can handle some sleepless nights", think again! The difference here is that you don't have a weekend to sleep in after a few sleepless nights, so just when you think you are reaching the end of your wit's, baby decides to sleep even LESS! And this is what many-a-fight is made of. Sleepy dad's and even sleepier moms, who no matter how tired they are must still open the all night buffet every 2-3 hours, for weeks and weeks on end. The only way to prepare for this is to get lots of sleep now!! And of course sleep all day whenever the baby does. I have found that mine sleeps best at the ice-rink with loud blaring music, but unfortunately I might look a little odd grabbing a little nap in the stands. Hopefully your child sleeps in a more comfortable environment.
• 10 second make up application. High maintenance ladies beware! When you have a baby you have 2 hours between feedings, so if you plan on running an errand it typically looks like this:  you will need to make sure baby is fed, then dressed, than diaper changed, and then you may try to jump in the shower, getting out quickly because baby is crying, you then get dressed while baby is in swing, in an outfit that takes absolutely no thought, just in time to rechange baby's diaper and  clothes too because pee has leaked onto previous baby outfit, then you run to bathroom while baby wriggles in crib with mobile playing, and apply a quick foundation onto skin and maybe some mascara, till you hear baby crying and pick him up, you hold him as you slip into some shoes, grab your keys and diaper bag ready to head out the door, until throw up is spewn across your shirt, by the time you change again baby is crying and is possibly hungry again, feed him one more time and if no diaper changes or leaks wrestle him into his car seat and be on your way. Whew. (This is not a fictional scenario!)
• The big stretch. Invest in some prenatal yoga classes, because the law-required rear facing baby seats in cars require some serious stretching. Too many time I have been caught in traffic and must become elasto-woman and twist my upper torso, and stretch my arm over and around little car seat contraptions to feel for my baby's pacifier and then search around for his mouth to place it into. The more flexible you are, the fewer muscles you pull.
  

Here are some "one-hand-eating" recipes. 

Please tell me  your essential mommy skills!
Love and little ones,
Kerry the Momster.

Are you (in)sure?

A stressful, yet crucial issue that tops the list of "must do's" for parents, is that of what will happen to your children in the event of you being unable to take care of them. My older child, is now 5 and I have been planning on getting life insurance squared away since before she was born. But as it is not an area that is comfortable to discuss, let alone even think about, it has been put off. Now that here is another little guy depending on us, I feel even stronger about this issue, so have finally set to work to resolve it for my own peace of mind.

It is a strange conversation to have with your spouse, the big "who will take care of our children??" and it is best to make a quick decision and then not dwell on it too much. Usually, your instincts can tell you right away whom you would feel most comfortable leaving in charge of your children, but when you start thinking about the details, such as faith, discipline and general day-to-day tasks, it can get very stressful, and downright sad. NO ONE will fit all the criteria we have set for ourselves as parents, and the likelihood of someone other than you or your spouse having guardianship over your children, is slim. So just make a decision, set it in stone (or in these modern times, a notarized piece of paper) and file it away next to your insurance policies.
All this as well as executor of your estate and power of attorney can be self-made, through a will program, but must be notarized by a third party. I used a fantastic book that came with a CD-ROM and all the appropriate forms by state and a complete how-to for each form :Make Your Own Simple Will by Sphinx Legal.

The next step is insurance. It is important to have life insurance for both you and your spouse, especially if you have a mortgage and any outstanding debt (like college loans or credit cards) that the surviving spouse would be left with. Generally just covering this debt should be enough for a younger family's insurance policy, but you should also consider disability insurance in case one of you was left unable to work. Most insurance company's offer a joint disability/life insurance. Disability is especially important for the breadwinner, as without that income you would struggle the most, however both partners do offer their own priceless contributions to a functioning household.

As for other insurances, this website gives a list of important ones for families.

Love and legality,
Kerry the Momster

Anti-consumerism: Part 2

The thrill of something shiny, the new car smell, the crisp clean pages of a new book, lusted after purses in your hand and sparkling new jewels around your neck. There is something about buying, spending, having that feuls an invisible need within us. As Marilyn Monroe once said, "Where's a man that can ease the heart like a satin gown?" illustrates that even she filled those voids with spending.

So it doesn't surprise me that we are a consumer-driven society- we like new toys! They bring new possibilities, visions of the person we would like to be, a stepping stone towards the life we think we want. But where do we get this idea from? How do we get these visions of these lives? Media, of course!

Don't get caught in their trap.

There is a marketing ploy named the "Rule of Three" that says it takes a person seeing something, or hearing it three times in different venues to create a want for said thing or idea. So if you subscribe to three different magazines and they all say purple is the color of the season or show splash pages of purple items, when you go shopping, you will find yourself drawn to purple, and quite possibly will think it is your own desire for purple, because you are "really feeling" that color right now.


So it makes you wonder, how much of our own taste or likes are really our own?
See if you can abstain from media for a while, and watch and see what happens to your spending habits. You most likely won't even realize all the things you usually "need".

I continue my buy-nothing month, but I must admit it is quite difficult at times. Even though I'm not looking at magazines, I mostly find myself wanting to buy fabrics and craft supplies to create things. At least I feel this is a more noble greed than the usual purses, shoes and clothes I lust after.

Love and lustlessness,
Kerry, the Momster

Merry Monday: Positivity Challenge Week 5

Positivity Progress thus far:  I have to be honest, it has been VERY difficult to help people whilst on bedrest, but I have tried to do things for my family. I called people, wrote letters, and gave undivided attention to my daughter. I thanked my husband for his help as much as I could and really hope he knows how much I appreciate him. 

This week's Challenge:

Try some journaling in a diary, or journal. But be specific about what's bothering you. Take five minutes just to write out everything that is going on in your head. It doesn't have to sound good, witty, or beautiful. It's just like a brain vomit (charming, right?). But just keep writing until you feel cleansed.

Love and positivity,
Kerry, the Momster

Merry Monday: Positivity Challenge Week 4

 Hello and a Merry Motivational Monday to you all!
AND Happy Labor Day! 
Very appropriate for me as I seem to be in a constant state of preterm labor and continue to be on bedrest :/

 Progress thus far: I forgave myself for past mistakes, and refuse to keep beating myself up like one of those monks who whips themselves to acknowledge their inadequacies. I will no longer dwell in past doggy-doo. Of course this-as all of it- is a working progress.


Positivity Challenge Week 4: Try to help someone or do something for someone each and every day. Helping your family is great helping strangers is better! Some ideas: hold a door open for someone, bake cookies for an annoying neighbor (don't put things that they are allergic to inside as this negates the positivity- although it may FEEL positive for you as you cackle with glee whilst baking), offer to run an errand for someone, pay the toll for the driver behind you, put money in a meter that's almost empty, offer to help someone unload/load groceries, rent your spouse's favorite kind of movie and watch it with them (even if you loathe it, more props for not saying how much!), volunteer at a shelter, buy flowers for your mother, give a homeless guy a hot meal, or a bag of new socks (trust me on that one!!)... 

You get the idea. It's not about getting recognition, or even being thanked. It's about putting a little love out there into the world. Let your positivity have some reach.

 

Love and labor,

Kerry, the Momster

End it the easy way.

Pregnancy that is...
I just went back to the new school year, and being on my feet, setting up my classroom, in a school that has an optionally working air-conditioning in this 92+ degree weather, left me dreading the weeks to come. So I am investing in some items to help ease my pained little body's woes in this, the last trimester.

My biggest complaints have been back pain (which now includes sciatic nerve pain added to my bulging spine discs. Yeeuck! ), sore feet which start swelling about half way through my day, and stress (I tend to harbor stress terribly, which results in lots of braxton hicks).

$1.99 for 8 at Walgreens.

Earth Therapeutics Sleep Mask, $8 at Sears.

Homedics Lumbar support $14.99 at Amazon

1. I first decided that stress is the most detrimental, and can be combatted by resting more, getting more sleep and exercising. Thus I have covered my bed in pillows of all shapes and sizes to make my night times more comfortable, and also invested in a night shade mask and ear plugs to dull out the sounds of my upstairs neighbor on her treadmill at 7am on weekends, and her dog barking throughout the night.
2. Back pain issues need more support while sitting. So I purchased lumbar support cushions for my chair at work and also my car. I also took two cushions to work to sit on and added a box under my desk to raise my feet a little bit.
3. Then I got some shoe inserts to help ease both back pain and foot pain whilst on my feet all day. As I CANNOT and will NEVER wear orthopedic shoes, I just got some inserts for arch and back support to wear in my regular flats. According to mommyfeet.com, these are great ones. They also have a little list of foot exercises which I will add to my yoga workout.
4. Finally- I am using an item I purchased for pilates- the big ball. It is FABulous to sit on whilst teaching and eases all kids of back pain. I also do some stretches over the back of it during my break time. But I do miss it at home and as it is too cumbersome to lug back and forth I may have to invest in  another one, or just bring it back home.

I am also trying to maintain eating healthy, drinking loads of water at work, and taking "real" breaks- not working breaks as I usually do. If you have any of your own working preggo tips, please do share.

Love and lightness,
Kerry, the Momster

Merry Monday Week 2: aka the Positivity Challenge

It is merry Monday yet again, and I am still trying to remain positive. My task this past week was to take a short walk every morning to meditate and reflect.

Day 1: I enjoyed my morning walk, but honestly trying to get through the lack of sleep during the day cancelled out the positive start to the day. This had less to do with the actual walk, and more to do with getting back to work and 6am wake ups.
Sigh.
Day 2: Great walk, but swung by the mailbox, which kind of offsets the aimless mind-clearing activity.
Day 3:My walk got shorter as I was pressed for time, but took some nice cleansing breaths to begin my day. I definately was in a better mood today.
Day 4: Oops, no walk this morning. Got up 15 minutes before I was meant to leave for work. I think I will switch my walks to the evening. I rush around too much in the morning.
Day 5:Ahhh, no walk today either, due to no sleep and a run in with a noisy neighbor. But maybe my positivity is increasing, because said neighbor's face is still in tact. Lucky for her, I am super zen now.
BUT I will continue the walks as they are peaceful, so they now will be after-dinner walks.
 
This weeks challenge: is to find something positive to say about and/or to each person you speak to. This can be a compliment or a statement about your life, or just an observation. But it must be positive!

For more positive inspiration to keep you inspired read this blog.


Love and lightness,
Kerry the Momster

Label it!

My little goose (the four year old) now dresses herself as part of her morning routine. To make it easier I had my husband set up a low bar in the closet so that all her clothes are accessible. Then to further help her know where each item goes, I created little labels to seperate the clothes by type. (Dresses, sweaters, shirts, etc). The clothes that don't hang each go in boxes (also labeled) such as underwear, socks, pants, shorts and skirts. These labels also help when she is putting away her laundry.

I also created labels to separate baby's clothes. These are boy ones that I am sending to a friend of mine. I printed them out on cardstock and laminated them to keep them from getting destroyed.

If you would like any of these pages in photoshop format, so that you can edit them to your own specifications, please let me know. Or if you would like me to customize them for you, I can do that for $10 (I have a paypal set up). 

Hope you like!

Love and organization,
Kerry, the Momster

Back To The Grind

As we begin our mad dash to the stores for backpack's, lunchboxes and clothes, we sigh in relief knowing that in just a few days our little gems will be back at school, being educated and entertained by someone other than ourselves for a few hours a day. Can I get an Amen?

With this return to the trenches comes the dilemma's of rush hour traffic (the kind in your kitchen and bathrooms prior to 8am). Here are some of my tips to keep the morning's running somewhat smoothly.

Handmade totes from http://www.knotjustjigs.co.uk

1. Set up a morning routine for each child. I created little pictures of each morning job (brush teeth, put on clothes, put on shoes, make bed and brush hair) which can be customized for each child. Remember to keep the lists age appropriate and that you may still have to assist in some tasks (like belts and shoelaces). I have the pictures glued to magnets on the back of my daughter's bedroom door (where she has a white board). Right after breakfast she starts on her routine. She may choose the order in which to do the various tasks, but they must all be done. When they are she gets moved up on her behavior chart, but you can choose any reward such as stickers, pennies, etc.
2. Pick out a week's worth of outfits on Sunday night. My husband has the task of making sure our willful 4 yr old is dresses for school. I came up with this system when too many days I would hear the stories of fighting over skirts and shorts and shoes. On Sundays we put together 5 outfits complete with socks and hair accessories and put them on hangers in an easy-to-reach spot. Then my daughter gets to pick what she wants to wear each day from these five outfits. 
3. Have separate bags for each after-school activity. Avoid the "I-forgot-my-soccer-cleats-drama" by having a bag for each activity. I started this system after about the third time my daughter arrived at skating lessons without gloves. If your child does soccer, ice-skating, ballet, and gymnastics, have a bag for each sport for each child. Tote's work wonders and can be purchase from craft stores and decorated by your child with pictures of the activity and their names on them. After each lesson, make sure all items are washed and put directly back in the bag for the next week. Let the kids know that NOTHING is to be taken out of the bag for any other activity. (My daughter loves to wear her gloves around the house, so I bought a pair that was ONLY for skating) If you have a particularly busy child and thus a lot of totes, have hooks in a closet or on a hallway wall to hang the bags.

Hope you are able to use some of these strategies that have worked so well for me, to streamline your mornings.

Love and organization,
Kerry the Momster

Strong Willed

I've been reading all about how to deal with a strong willed child (as my preschooler most definately is!). I've been trying out new parenting strategies with rewards and consequences and thus far I have seen an improvement in behavior. It usually takes 30 days to change a new habit, and we have only been implementing new strategies for a couple weeks, but I already see the change.

Rewards:

• We have continued with the reward chart (From Supernanny.com), we just chose a new one for the summer with a pirate theme. This chart is for those times we "catch" her being good or doing something helpful. If we notice exceptionally good behavior when we are out, we inform her that she can move up one, sometimes even two, spaces on her chart. Once she hits 10, she gets to choose a prize out of the treasure chest. At first we used this chart for consequences too, by moving her back, but decided it should only be used as a positive tool. This treasure chest strategy also helps when we are at stores and she gets the "wants" (i want, i want, i want). If it is something small I often give in and say she may have it FOR HER TREASURE CHEST. Then I know she has even more incentive to move up to get that item. If it is something bigger, I tel her we will add it to her birthday wishlist (this works at ANY time of year) and when we get home I add it to her running list online.
• Our other positive reinforcement is money. My daughter wants a hamster, so currently we are working towards getting that. We have implemented a chore system , where she gets a quarter, 50c or $1.00 depending on the chore. Some examples are:  

1. 50c sorting laundry socks
2. 25c making her bed
3. 50c feeding the dog
4. 1.00 vacuuming up dust piles as I sweep

I also use this money as a way for her to understand the value of items. She currently has $15.00 and recently we went to the store where she wanted a toy for $10. I said she could have it, using her "hamster" money but then she would only have $5 left and have to wait longer for the hamster. She decided she wanted the hamster more and did not purchase the toy.

So I have realized that parenting is a creative, ever changing process with trial and errors along the way. I will indulge you into my horrible world of consequences in a future posting.

Love and discipline,
Kerry the Monster
                 

Soft Mommy

Since my daughter turned 4, she has progressively got more and more difficult to deal with. She is very intelligent which leads to constant head butting, strong will and plain rudeness sometimes. Being pregnant has  limited my patience field to a mere couple blades of grass. Thus I have started seeking help in controlling my anger when dealing with her.

Some of what I have learned is simple- keep her entertained, give her adequate attentio, make sure she and I are both well rested and fed. Then some more techniques which come from this book "Soft-Spoken Parenting":

1.  Get your heart right before you deal /see your kids. Make the decision to be focused on them and in a good mood.
 2. When you feel anger approaching, just say No to it! Again it's a choice, don't let it take over you!
3. Use words to convey that you acknowledge their feelings.  "I know it must make you sad to go to bed when everyone else is still up." "I would be mad too if my brother took my toy away"...etc This lets them know you DO undertsand and empathize with them, which for a child is half the battle (making sure they are heard).
4. Look on your children with compassion. Remember they are small and still figuring things out. Often they do not have the tools to deal with anger, frustration or tiredness yet or the vocabulary to accurately convey it.
5. When we are tired, we should be particuarly cautious in dealing with our children. They don't understand that our anger is not necessarily directed at them, but at a lousy coworker, long week, or financial strain. So we need to make sure we aren't directing inappropriate anger at our little ones.


I have been using these strategies and found them to be amazing little treasures. I  will add more as I complete the book. There are 50 strategies in here, but I'm just stating the ones I felt are very important.  To read more the author is : H Wallace Goddard, PH. D.


Love and peace of heart,
Kerry the Momster