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Tuesday, November 23, 2010

I got skillz. (Essential skills for new mommies)

Before you begin the journey into motherhood, let me give you a few words of wisdom. Being three weeks into the new life of my second child, I have been recently reminded of a few skills that every mom should master prior to the child's arrival. Yes there are the basic staples: diapering, bathing baby, swaddling, etc etc. But there are also the ones that people fail to tell you are essential. Lucky for you all I am here to impart them:

  • One handed eating... in fact one handed everything: Everyone always asks me how I lost the baby weight from my first baby so quickly. It's easy : babies do not let you eat. They are able to sense with their infinite baby ESP when mom is about to sit down with a knife and fork, and they begin to wail. They've been fed, cleaned and well rested, and just want to be held, and thus mom must resort to one-handed eating. I got so hungry that I resorted to stocking my feeding chair with granola bars and water bottles, because it seemed the only time I  got to eat was when I was feeding my lil' one. I know one mom who would only order items from restaurants that she could eat with one hand for the first year "just in case". So hone in on using one hand to spread peanut butter on toast, prepare a bottle, or wrap a gift. Maybe you and your partner could have a "single-hand-off" where you tie one hand behind your back for a day and see who can do the most tasks.
  • Up all night, sleep all day (With a completely new meaning). Yes, we all know babies rob you of precious snoozing, but for those of you thinking "Whatever, I was a party animal in college, I can handle some sleepless nights", think again! The difference here is that you don't have a weekend to sleep in after a few sleepless nights, so just when you think you are reaching the end of your wit's, baby decides to sleep even LESS! And this is what many-a-fight is made of. Sleepy dad's and even sleepier moms, who no matter how tired they are must still open the all night buffet every 2-3 hours, for weeks and weeks on end. The only way to prepare for this is to get lots of sleep now!! And of course sleep all day whenever the baby does. I have found that mine sleeps best at the ice-rink with loud blaring music, but unfortunately I might look a little odd grabbing a little nap in the stands. Hopefully your child sleeps in a more comfortable environment.
  • 10 second make up application. High maintenance ladies beware! When you have a baby you have 2 hours between feedings, so if you plan on running an errand it typically looks like this:  you will need to make sure baby is fed, then dressed, than diaper changed, and then you may try to jump in the shower, getting out quickly because baby is crying, you then get dressed while baby is in swing, in an outfit that takes absolutely no thought, just in time to rechange baby's diaper and  clothes too because pee has leaked onto previous baby outfit, then you run to bathroom while baby wriggles in crib with mobile playing, and apply a quick foundation onto skin and maybe some mascara, till you hear baby crying and pick him up, you hold him as you slip into some shoes, grab your keys and diaper bag ready to head out the door, until throw up is spewn across your shirt, by the time you change again baby is crying and is possibly hungry again, feed him one more time and if no diaper changes or leaks wrestle him into his car seat and be on your way. Whew. (This is not a fictional scenario!)
  • The big stretch. Invest in some prenatal yoga classes, because the law-required rear facing baby seats in cars require some serious stretching. Too many time I have been caught in traffic and must become elasto-woman and twist my upper torso, and stretch my arm over and around little car seat contraptions to feel for my baby's pacifier and then search around for his mouth to place it into. The more flexible you are, the fewer muscles you pull.
Here are some "one-hand-eating" recipes. 

Please tell me  your essential mommy skills!
Love and little ones,
Kerry the Momster.

1 comment:

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